I need more coffee. Also, it’s Thursday, and I’ve banged out over 14k words this week. They’re getting weaker. I think I need a break. Some time on the beach. But winter isn’t going down without a fight in Charleston, SC, and while its efforts at further relevance are futile, its tenacity is starting to piss me off. I must surf, and I fucking hate wet suits, so that means waiting on the weather. Today's blog is... well, it's there, and that's about all you should hope for. I'm going to dive back into Bioshock Infinite, and perhaps I'll emerge with some inspiration for tomorrow.
When this image popped up on Hideo Kojima’s Twitter feed last week, I should have known something was up. When The Phantom Pain debuted at the VGAs, I should have known it was a Metal Gear game. Clearly, I’m not too perceptive. Either that or further attempts to shoehorn knowledge into my brain less than half an hour after rolling out of bed should be avoided. Whatever the case, we’ve been given a full trailer, it's Metal Gear Solid 5, and Kojima has gone completely Tarantino. Observe:
Unkillable hero wakes from coma and has lost use of their legs. Garbage track with a Kill Billian guitar twang bubbles up from the beginning of the trailer. Editing violent scenes to serene music. I don’t think I need to draw a map. All stuff Tarantino stole first.
Welcome to 2013, where the ideas are incestuous and the points don’t matter. This whole thing’s getting so meta it might as well be a Reddit post. Tarantino steals from anime and live action Japanese cinema to make Kill Bill, which is then stolen by the most Japanese person I have ever read a tweet from. (You should click that link and follow his feed if you don’t. Kojima tweets with the frequency of a Suburban-American teenager, but with a slightly better grasp of the english language.)
Flights of mutual pastiche aside, I must say this trailer made all the tingly bits jump up and take notice. Full Solid Snake. I don’t know that I’ve been this hyped for a next gen Metal Gear since I saw screen shots of Metal Gear Solid 2 in PlayStation Magazine fourteen years ago. And it will most assuredly be next gen. Playable at E3? Probably not, but even one as coy as Kojima can’t hide the truth when he’s presenting graphical showcases of this caliber. MGS5 confirmed for PS3 and 360, but this trailer isn’t running on either of those platforms.
Then they gave us the bad news: David Hayter will not be returning as the voice of Snake. Tingly gone: Full Liquid Snake again. I honestly don’t know that the game will be playable without Hayter's voice. What are they going to do? Hire someone with a completely different voice? Have them do their best David Hayter impersonation, which in itself was an impersonation of Snake Plissken from Escape From New York? Hayter’s dulcet tones have been wooing me since I was a sophomore in high school, and I don’t know that I can handle a Metal Gear game without him.
Whatever the case, the prospect of an open world Metal Gear Solid running on next gen technology is an exciting one, if dulled by the departure of Snake's One True Voice. I had a hard enough time dealing with old Snake in the last game, now I'm going to be stuck with even older Snake that doesn't even sound like Snake anymore. I'm excited, but sad at the same time... Sooo... Slushie Snake?
The preceding was one giant dick joke. You're welcome.
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