Irish Coffee, May 9th, 2013

I'm angry today. If you find this rant offensive... Good, that was the point. And stop being offended. It makes you look weak.

Jesus fuck. How sensitive is the world becoming?

Yesterday, this article popped up on Kotaku. I’ll save you the trouble of having to give them page views. The “author,” of that piece took issue with the use of a gay joke at the beginning of Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon... Ahem...

Far Cry Fucking 3: Blood Dragon. A game with a crotch grabbing, misogynistic stereotype of the 80s action hero for a protagonist. A whole fucking game played as a send up to a particularly ridiculous yet inarguably awesome period in cinematic history, and you took offense to a gay joke? A game in which you shoot and stab HUNDREDS OF FUCKING PEOPLE AND TEAR OUT THEIR HEARTS! A game in which the damsel in distress takes her clothes off at the first opportunity and cyberfucks Rex Power Colt’s Metallic Wonder Cock. Yet you were offended by a gay joke?

Metallic Wonder Cock gives him +5  thrust capacity.

Ok, let’s take a step back for a second and assume that none of the rest of that stuff could possibly be construed as offensive, and forget for a moment that the entire fucking game is a joke. This is what constitutes journalism? A real conversation about important issues? A joke at the beginning of an 80s action cinema lampoon?

And is this how easily people are offended in 2013? Has it come this far? What the fuck is there going to be left to laugh at if I can’t make fun of someone’s race, sexual preference, taste in clothing, preferred fast food restaurant or favorite brand of anal lubricant? “You use astroglide? What a fag.” Will they come after The Daily Show for making fun of so many republicans? “That’s their choice and you have to respect it!” That last sentence, by the way, was in the most mocking tone I could possibly muster. In my head.

Our differences are what make comedy possible! Comedy, which has pulled us through national and international tragedy, made it possible to laugh in the face of death or danger, and was an extremely important weapon for me as a fat kid. Actual hate? Actual anger? Actually saying things or - more to the point - doing things that hurt people? Fuck that shit. Get back in your wagon and enjoy the early 20th century.

But god dammit, making fun of someone for what they are is what makes this country great (you can start humming the national anthem now). I’m proud to live in a country where someone can make fun of the fact that I’m going bald while I call them a fairy. I’m glad to know that they’ll still be my friend afterward. I’m proud to live in a country where comedians can build entire careers on making fun of another race or socioeconomic segment of society. I’m glad to know that no one thought he was being serious. I’m proud to live in a country that not only celebrates the differences in its citizenry, but pantses people for those differences.

Before I leave you with a quote from the immortal Louis C.K., I’d just like to say: If you’re offended by a joke at the beginning of a video game that is itself a bunch of jokes, you deserve to be given a wedgie and shoved in a locker. You are a little weenie. Also, you’re too young for political commentary, cuz we did over-offended already. It was called the 90s.

“In my day you didn’t call someone a faggot cuz they were gay. You called someone a faggot because they were being a fucking faggot.” - Louis C.K.