E3 Day 1 Video wrap-up

So, I made this video, which certainly took longer than writing would have, but that particular voice was broken, so I went with this. It's poorly edited, I say "like" and "uhh" a lot, and the fucking YouTube page doesn't have any info on it because it's god damn 2:30am and I need some sleep. There's also probably lip-smacking noises because I've been drinking. Whatever. I hope the following at least makes some sense. Footage of things starts at about 2:30 if you don't like my voice. Until Day Two:

I'm getting the impression that the last bit was slightly incomprehensible. All I was attempting to say (in my own drunken way) was that the PS4's concern for its audience is indicative of a larger movement in consumer products sector. A movement defined by a consumer base that won't have products shoved down its throat, but that dictates those products through effective use of social media. So: Millennials don't put with any shit. Sleep now. Why did the video feel like it needed to take so long to render/upload? Oh, right. Macbook's are evil.



Also, here's the Reddit roundup for E3 2013, Day 1:

E3 2013 Coverage: Xbox conference wrap-up.

As I mentioned, this isn’t going to be strictly a news update thing, because that’s not what you’ve come to expect from me. Just slightly buzzed commentary, as I’ve been playing the most dangerous game since the beginning of the Microsoft press event.

The following was announced at the end of Microsoft’s Xbox conference, and is fresh in my mind/the most important aspect of this whole thing: $500 fucking dollars?! I can put together a passable gaming rig for that much. That won’t watch me while I masturbate on my couch. With the mayonnaise. Because I can’t be bothered to stand up and it was already on my coffee table. I don’t need to explain myself to you. 

In the Matrix, everyone sees you fap.

In spite of their insistence that this whole thing is “about the gamers,” (a point they attempted to drive home more than once) a $500 console that requires a persistent high speed internet connection and a yearly service fee separates a lot of gamers from their chosen pastime should they decide to go with Microsoft. But, gaming is an expensive hobby. As much as it sucks, many people are left out in the cold with old tech because of this fact. So I’m not going to harp on it. After all, we live in a world where people ride the bus to a job at McDonald’s rocking a $600 smart phone.

As to the rest of the conference: They have a couple of good exclusives. But - and here’s the important part - not great exclusives. The only hope Microsoft had to overcome the recent PR gangbang that has surely increased the company's interest in acquisition of KY was to hit the stage today with the most amazing titles they could possibly come up with. What did they show?

A sequel to a increasing dated genre title whose flower has blossomed (Dead Rising 3), a remake of a 2-D fighter that I’ll regret not being able to play as I’m not buying an Xbone (Killer Instinct), and Spark, which, while interesting, I’ll need to know more about to pass judgement. New Halo? Meh, Bungie’s taking their new IP to PS4 in the form of Destiny. Titanfall doesn’t look bad, I genuinely want to play it, but it’s another FPS on the FPS console. It’s nothing groundbreaking, and nothing that breaks the mold for Xbox. 

And if they ever needed to break the mold, now is the time. We’re stepping into a whole new world of gaming in the coming months and years, and not just because of new consoles, but fresh tech like the Oculus Rift. First person shooters on a game console that doubles as a Big Brotherian cable box hardly resemble the forward thinking technology that gains traction in 2013. Or what consumers want. All Microsoft really managed to do with that conference was reinforce the position that they're not going to give the consumers what they want, but tell the consumers what they're getting. An increasingly dangerous business model for a consumer product company.

More as it happens today. There’s a bunch of footage being piped in from Gametrailers, an EA conference in a little under an hour, and a fuck-ton of already released info to digest. My twitter feed (which is 95% game related) is starting to stress me out. I’m also two beers and one shot into my drinking day, and not smoking for the duration has gone out of the window. The corporate greed and PR verbiage is already driving me to the brink. I’ll try to maintain, but only for you, dear reader. I hope you appreciate that. I could go mad.

Once more unto the breach.

Irish Coffee - Microsoft, you dumb bastards.

I'm back baby! Slightly different stuff in the title. There's a date stamp on these things anyway. Don't know why I was typing it in manually like an old lady that licks a stamp and pastes it to her monitor before she sends an email. I was in New Orleans last weekend for a bachelor party, and, well... It was something of an event. I've only just regained my faculties (they're at about 72% charge), and the emotional damage is probably permanent, but whatever. Good times, good people, lots of alcohol. Now back to the video games. I'm going to yell at Microsoft again, because it's just so god damned easy lately.

This might sound a little unprofessional: Ahhh hahah hahah! Hahhhhh! hah! You dumb bastards!

In an attempt to yet again prove how detached they've become from the “core game market” they thought they had a grasp on and so desperately need on their side after over a week of bad press, Microsoft has officially announced that they’ll spend $1 billion on games for their next-gen, weaponized, TV stand.

I mean look at it! You could beat a man to death with the Kinect alone.

While I haven't any moral qualms with throwing money at a problem like a trust fund baby that just found a dead hooker in the trunk of his car, the real issue here is Microsoft’s industry viability moving forward. First off, one billion dollars in the scope of modern AAA development doesn’t go a long way. Modern Warfare 3 spent $300 million, all told, after an absurdly expensive advertising campaign. Granted, it’s actual budget was only $100 million, but even at that comparatively bargain basement rate, Microsoft’s big number announcement will only pay for 10 games. Hardly impressive for the life of the console.

But let’s say the money is spread out a bit. Drop money on indie titles. The kind of art house games that give the industry some much needed set dressing. Granted, it’s a bit like putting roses on the hood of a tank, but it’s better than nothing (and a topic for another day). Microsoft has certainly made it clear that their focus isn’t indie gaming. Meanwhile, Sony courts indie devs left and right, providing them with a friendlier environment. Even if Microsoft would like to get some indie devs back on their side, it’ll be quite a while before we’ll see a company-wide change in policy - such as allowing indies to self-publish on the Big Black Bocks -  significant enough to draw indie studios back to the dark side.  

"Did I say 'zero creative freedom?' I meant 'All the money. Ever.'"

Plus, indie devs are a temperamental lot, and will not work in a close minded, creatively limiting environment. “Give me money, let me make my game, leave me the fuck alone and you’ll get it when it’s done,” seems to be their mentality, and one of which Sony seems keenly aware. Also, one I can get behind. Microsoft has said recently that they’re going to have indie support on their console, but it’s clearly not a focus, and clearly not a large portion of that Big Shiny Number they put up today. Unless they want to come out and say otherwise. Until now, it's a vague "yes" that fades into cacophonous repetition of words like "integration" and "experience," and announcements that center around massive AAA titles.

Microsoft is definitely a company that pushes hard for the Bro Gamer portion of the market, and this was made no more evident than in their reveal last week. The only games shown were sports titles and Call of Duty, the only games on the beer-soaked TV stand at the average frat house. [Source: I used to sell weed to frat boys.]

Microsoft can lightly dance around this subject all they want, but everyone knows exactly what to expect. No amount of “yes, we’ll support indie devs” is going to change the reality of your big E3 “game” conference. It’s going to come up wanting. There is no way that any number of AAA titles being presented are going to outdo what we’ve seen from the more powerful and game-oriented PS4, nor are you going to convince anyone that the primary focus of the Xbone is "game console "when you came out of the gate waving your “media center” sword and screaming about integration like a prophet that stepped out of a time machine from 2006 having not realized he’d gone forward in time instead of back.

Microsoft, you've had every opportunity to make this just a little bit about video games, video gamers, and video game creators, but you've decided to dodge questions like the most teeth-grindingly frustrating of politicians and alienate the people that built the popularity of your console in the first place. (Oh the irony of mentioning that the Halo franchise built the Xbox while announcing a TV show version of it. It'd be delicious if it weren't so painfully barbed.)

As bullshit as their crisis management has been since their big reveal last week, it has been fun to watch the media fire shots at Microsoft’s feet and tell it to dance. 

Irish Coffee, May 7th, 2-SOMEONE GIVE ME A FUCKING CIGARETTE!

Weird blog, weird format, weird day. I quit smoking yesterday, as I promised myself I would upon turning 30, and good god has it made me weird. I didn't think it was that bad, but I just reread what I wrote here today and fuck... It's not very "Ned," I'll tell you that much. But whatever, it's not too bad. Back in the saddle again after one of the worst hangovers I've had in my life, but if you ever aim to quit smoking cigarettes, I have a plan for you: Spend the evening prior drinking yourself into a stupor and smoking enough cigarettes to feel like you were orally molested by Joe Camel. When you wake up, you'll feel so completely like shit and your desire to smoke cigarettes will be so completely removed from your thoughts that you'll have no difficulty getting through the first 24 hours of non-smoking. Historically the most difficult. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to curl up in the fetal position and sweat like Rent-boy for a while. See you tomorrow!

Saint's Row IV

Today in Atomic Nut-Kick news, there's a new trailer for Saint's Row IV that's showing off a bit more in the way of hand-to-hand combat and the superpowers to be expected from the protagonist.


While I'm as excited as I was when the original launch trailer dropped, it's fairly obvious that aside from the super-jumping, super-body-slamming, and super-nut-kicking, not a whole lot has changed. The last game was all about regular jumping, body slamming, and nut kicking, so without a major engine upgrade the whole experience could start to feel familiar in spite of its zaniness.

I'm sure there will be enough jokes for the whole thing to be worth the price of admission, but I can't help but think it would have been a better idea to wait until next-gen to give us more Saint's Row, rather than throwing this content into a nearly five-year-old game engine.

Either way, they've already got my money... What? There's gonna be boobs...

Next-Box

And if you missed it yesterday (and why wouldn't you have, I was too hungover to blog), it seems the next Xbox will not in fact require a persistent internet connection as has been rumored for some time (that rumor extending to one particular Microsoft employee leaving the company after publicly embarrassing himself on Twitter.)

However, the verbiage from their press release (click here for a look at it on arstechnica) is still a little bit vague, and exactly what is meant by a scenario in which the "users expect [the console] to work without an internet connection," hasn't been made expressly clear, and personally I'd imagine that's because the next-box will in fact work offline, but will be completely fucking crippled without an internet connection.

This will be especially true if Microsoft decides to make it impossible for users to play used games on their new console, a move that will more than likely sell a few PS4s. But again, all rumor at this point, and Microsoft fans are wringing their hands in the hope that their chosen console manufacturer isn't so unbelievably fucking stupid. The big reveal is only two weeks out (May 21st), so all (or most) of our questions should be answered soon.

Summer-summer-summe---ahhh, screw the whole thing.

So here we are again. In the summer lull. Nothing amazing coming down the pipe for quite some time. We were to have Grand Theft Auto V by now (today, I think, was the original release date), but they've held back until this fall. Not that I have a problem with that. I always approve of a game company taking their time and delivering a product that's as clean as possible and worth everyone's time. Yet now, I've nothing to get me through the summer. Again.

If there were a GTA game out right now that was bigger than San Andreas, it would have my attention for 3 months. But no. Nothing to play (FWPs all day). Blood Dragon has come and gone and was only a 4 hour affair (even though it didn't need to be any longer than that), and the landscape looks bleak. Why the fuck does the video game industry so consistently abandon my birth month? I'm sure there's some bullshit excuse like "Oh, a lot of big movies are coming out and people want to spend their time outdoors." Well fuck them and their tans. I want games dammit.

Ok, admittedly, this coming summer is looking a lot better than summers past. In just a little over a week we're finally going to be able to play Metro: Last Light, a game I can't believe more people aren't talking about. I watched the first demo video for the post-apocalyptic shooter (I know, we've never played one of those before), and I gotta say there are some really great mechanics and animations at work. Take a look for yourself:



Then, of course, in mid June; The Last of Us. I've never disliked a Naughty Dog game, and based on the "meet the infected" video from yesterday and everything else I've learned about the game, I don't think I'm going to start now. If you don't know anything about it, check out the link from the last sentence, Google "The Last of Us," then punch yourself in the face for reading a video game blog and not knowing anything about a game that will probably be at the top of many "best of 2013" lists. Here's a screen shot, slacker.

Much like God of War 2 on PS2, it's quite likely that The Last of Us will be the last truly good looking AAA game on the PS3. So enjoy it while you can, and before you get knifed waiting in line for a PS4. Or GTAV.

And enjoy the summer lull, I suppose. Come fall, we'll all be risking our lives for PS4's, Grand Theft Auto V's, and Watch Dogs's's's.