Sorry there wasn’t a blog post yesterday folks (or any word from me for that matter). I had the events in Boston on my mind, wouldn’t have been able to write without mentioning it, and didn’t want to mention it on a comedy(?)-gaming blog. So I didn’t. And honestly, there wasn’t much to write about in the way of gaming news yesterday. Nor is there today, it would seem.
Oh, before we go any further, I'm completely aware of this morning's Nintendo Direct and Link to the Past 2. I just don't care. How is this a big deal? More rehash. Another tasteless cash grab that insults the original game by putting it on a gimmicky portable. Fuck you Nintendo, the WiiU is bad and you should feel bad. Moving on.
Oh, before we go any further, I'm completely aware of this morning's Nintendo Direct and Link to the Past 2. I just don't care. How is this a big deal? More rehash. Another tasteless cash grab that insults the original game by putting it on a gimmicky portable. Fuck you Nintendo, the WiiU is bad and you should feel bad. Moving on.
I know these blog posts are usually topical, but there honestly aren’t any topics to discuss. Not one stitch of gaming news out there that would make anyone react with more than a “meh.” Oh, look, Ace Attorney 5 has a release date. I don’t even know what the fuck that is. I’m assuming it’s the japanese DS game with the screaming anime attorney, but I could be wrong. Don’t care if I am, either.
Boooorred. I’m so bloody bored. I’m like Sherlock between cases, just not as smart or handsome. I am cranking away at my first video project ever, and it’s going well, but no one warned me how tedious video editing can be. They should’ve called it digital crochet. I should come up with some better analogies.
Oh, there is this live action Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon video released in anticipation of the game’s launch on May 1st, and it’s fairly amusing.
But that’s hardly news. And I’m consistently terrified by the lack perspective shown by 90s kids toward the 80s. I suppose that explains why they’re all wearing 80s clothes. They don’t realize how horrible it was the first time around... And why the fuck is youtube encouraging this shit with “VHS mode” on their videos? I... just... huh?
We’ve spent all these years, clawing our way to 3D/HD video, only to optionally go back to low-def as a novelty? Is the world so lacking in substance that the concept of VHS seems a rich experience? Cuz it fucking wasn't. There's is NO REASON TO BE NOSTALGIC HERE! Turn back!
Do you kids have any idea how hard it was to masturbate to a blurry VHS pause screen? Do you? Cuz it was fucking annoying. Especially if you had a VCR that stopped the video after being paused for five minutes. So, twenty minutes for a blur-free boob-pause, and five minutes to finish up. Fucking horrible. If you want to relive the 80s so badly, buy a shitty Zach Morris phone that barely gets any reception, go to a store to buy your media, masturbate to pictures on parchment, and watch everything in low definition. Do that and I won’t punch you for wearing leg warmers.
Do you kids have any idea how hard it was to masturbate to a blurry VHS pause screen? Do you? Cuz it was fucking annoying. Especially if you had a VCR that stopped the video after being paused for five minutes. So, twenty minutes for a blur-free boob-pause, and five minutes to finish up. Fucking horrible. If you want to relive the 80s so badly, buy a shitty Zach Morris phone that barely gets any reception, go to a store to buy your media, masturbate to pictures on parchment, and watch everything in low definition. Do that and I won’t punch you for wearing leg warmers.
I’ll try to think of any interesting topic for tomorrow morning. More interesting than fapping, I mean.
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